Guest post

by: George Hall Reid

We have read your delightful letter of 22 Dec.95 many times, and enjoy it immensely. Your succinct prose spices erudition with modern humour in a manner which we, and we're your college tutors too, greatly appreciate. They must surely give you many A+s!

Regretfully, my reply has been delayed by Grandma's frequent colds ('flus?) and a slight but painful accident. I was rising from my bath, with all my weight (200 lbs.) on my hands, when my right hand slipped, and I fell-skidded obliquely, wacking my ribs against the side of the bath. It was extremely painful, and typing was out of the question for about 3 weeks. Anyway, here I am again, relatively fit, thank goodness. It was so unnecessary too, because to prevent it, all I had to do was to place the bath foot-mat on the edge of the bath, and grip it and the edge with my thumb on the inside - Then, no slip!

We hope you had a jolly good Xmas, and are glad to hear that you are happy at college. And we very much liked the photo of you that your Dad sent us. We thought you are now looking nicely self-assured, and of course, handsome. We liked the other photos too, of your brothers and parents. And, the lake at the foot of your new property in the "hill country" is very attractive. We hope that you have some great times there in the coming years.

Now to return to your letter. I have certainly laboured all these many years under the delusion that the Hittites cheated on the poor old Gyppos (ha! ha!) by hitting them with sharp iron instruments whilst fending off blows from blunt bronze dittos. Sp there, you see! How easily one can fall into error! but my lasting impression was that they were a pretty nasty lot, and rather like Saddam (sod'em?) Hussein today, for ever building up an army on a domestic slave-labour base. And I believe that, when they disappeared, they all went to Baghdad, and hid there till now.

And although I recall having a short course on what we used to call Pre-History (Adam and Eve, Bowdlerised Version, Apemen, Cavemen - no explanation as why they were always dragging their women by their hair into their caves - Ancient Greeks - did they never have any young? and could the hoplites hop without a light?) I never at any time came across Arzawa or any Arzawans. Anyway, I have made a mental note of the name, and should I come across a mention, I will certainly let you know. You make it sound great fun, even tho' the risk of being butchered by one's neighbours must have been slightly greater than it is nowadays, when we simply incinerate the enemy in hygienic fashion.

From the point of view of Western Civilisation, the battle of Manzikert is of tremendous importance, marking the beginning of the end of the Byzantine Empire and the commencement of the incursion into Europe of the Turks and, of course, of Islam. Forgive me if I spend a page or two on the Khwarismian Turks, their Rise and Fall, and I'll try not to make you weep! The spelling, by the way, is according to the Times Illustrated History of the world.

I must apologise for the atrocious typing, made worse by the failure of my machine to spell English properly (it's an Adler - made in Germany). Also my "white-out" had dried out, and I only got it working again after considerable trouble and experiment. Pure alcohol did the trick finally. I couldn't bring myself to try Scotch.

David, did you manage to get a copy of Josephus? If not, I'll have a go at getting one for you. Do let me know. And I'd very much like to hear from you again when you have a moment to spare (Do you ever?)