Myke Cole does Sparta bad

In 2019, a couple guys on the internet posted their thoughts about the Five Towns. One was Bret Devereaux; the other, Myke Cole. I just found out this week because Cole has a book out now, and some dood on 4chan recommended le blog de Devereaux. As I read them, neither author seems like they'd be particular close friends of mine. Although at least I might not upend a drink over Devereaux' head.

Devereaux hates slavery and doesn't care that you know it! He also bravely Takes A Stand for women, which after much verbiage he has to admit doesn't really work for Spartiate women who had pretty nice lives by Iron-Age standards, so moves on to Intersectionality - the helot women.

All that said (as a follower of Gregory Nyssene, I too hate slavery and misogyny, and don't care who knows it) Devereaux has the edge over Cole. Devereaux, through his righteous bluster, has his facts in order. I don't hear this from Cole.

Cole sneers at the Oath Keepers, whose Oath they Keep is... the Constitution, as right-wing anti-government and anti-immigration American militia group. He sneers that the violent Left is a thing (say, has he been to a Colorado church lately?). Americans who worry that their government might take their guns away are paranoid, having no legitimate fear that the Biden-Pelosi government is made up of people like... Cole.

But who cares, right? Cole's writing to New Republic readers, who ate up all those Stephen Glass articles like so much cotton candy. More worrisome should be the sloppiness on the history itself.

The Spartans of Laconia left us virtually no writing on how they saw themselves or their world (thus the word laconic). No, "laconic" refers to the ability to compose a comment as short and to-the-point as possible - as Strunk and White taught to us writers. As for their leavings, every classicist knows Alcman and Tyrtaeus. And Sparta had sympathisers in other aristocracies - admittedly, that goes to how Spartiates wanted others to perceive their world, but it can't be so far off how the Spartiates posed their world to their own children.

Cole misses some low-hanging fruit, as it were: for instance, on Spartan paederasty. Devereaux for his part does hit this theme, in at least two discussions. The twelve-year-old kids couldn't Consent. Adult female helotas couldn't, either, he argues. I'll, er, butt in that Devereaux, ah, nails the bull's eye here. I wonder what restrained Cole...

Sometimes Cole even scores own-goals: We hear they murdered weak or deformed children, though one of their most famous kings had a club foot. That's bad apparently. Er... like... they were pro-lifers, then? (Well, pro-Spartiate-lifers.) I'll butt in again that I am not surprised that Sparta had to loosen some of those Iron Age East-Mediterranean customs, given how the Spartiate population (famously) declined over the centuries. Their heirs-apparent especially enjoyed some dispensation from the worst of the agôgâ. Do go on, though, Dr Cole; share with us your views on infanticide.

As to the kings who led their armies almost never endured this [agôgâ] trial: here we must bring in Devereaux, on that most famous Spartan himself. Leonidas was a Second Son lately raised to the throne so, in all probability, had in youth underwent said trial. Which assuredly helped him lead that fateful stand at the Gates of Fire. This, by the way, suggests that princes "born to the purple" in the Five Towns, although probably not risking the worst of what the agôgâ had to offer, almost certainly had to risk something, or else they'd not earn the loyalty of their own men.

If I must signal mine own virtue, again, I am no fan of the whole Platonic Republic fandom - interestingly, mostly found on the academic Left - so, by extension from that, as well as by Sparta's own merits, I have no interest in Plato's own Sparta fandom. By further extension, Leftists attacking the Sparta / Plato nonsense on the Left, from the Left, would be welcome. But Cole doesn't do that. Devereaux, sadly, isn't doing that either. They are attacking Spartanism on the Right, because it's safe, and they'll be lauded for doing that, to those horrible nasty-poo Trump voting alt-righters.

I say humbug. If you want to attack Sparta fandom on the Right, do it from Right principles. Or you'll be dismissed as the snob you are. As the Platonist you are. ... as the Spartan you are.